Today I tried to think of something kooky to write about but my mind was blank. Then I looked at the calendar and it dawned on me that I started my broadcasting career in the early 1990's around this time of year at a regional PBS TV station. My previous post about a funny little kid on an airplane flight I had taken started me thinking about the late Fred Rogers of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood". The impact of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" on millions of kids is legendary. Johnny Carson used to love having Fred as a Guest on "The Tonight Show". And no one laughed harder at Johnny's skits impersonating Mister Rogers than Fred himself! I am convinced that if we can laugh at ourselves, our sense of humor can help others lighten their worries. Fred's life was all about teaching and encouraging kids to follow their dreams. When Fred passed away in 2003, there was a black & white vertical photo that I think made nearly every major newspaper in the country. Fred had just finished taping an episode and he was walking through the television studio to leave when someone behind him with a camera apparently called out his name. There he was in mid-stride wearing his trademark Cardigan sweater and sneakers. He turned his head, looked over his right shoulder, smiled and held up his right hand to wave at the camera. Fred was a Class act to the end. His gift to kids was relating to them and he cared deeply about their well being and stability. He was interesting too! Fred earned his degree in Music Composition, and whenever he felt uptight, he sat down and played the piano to chill out. People who had worked with him told me that he felt everyone he met was special, and he was a living example that if you stick with your dreams, you will make it!! So, I didn't have much to say today except that everyone can use a positive word of encouragement. Here's how Fred Rogers ended each show no matter what: "You've made this day a special day by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.See you tomorrow. Bye!"
On a flight to Atlanta, I was seated in the row behind the First Class section next to an absolutely exhausted young mother with a screaming three year old seated next to the window. I always take the aisle seat. The screaming and crying lasted 47 minutes and throughout it all, the poor mom kept swatting the child on the rump thinking this would stop the crying fit. Eventually, the boy chilled out and the mom fell asleep. It was obvious to me she had suffered a tough day even without the commotion. I felt badly for her. Okay, at least she was asleep. As a diversion, I made funny faces with the kid. He quietly showed me his crayon artwork, handed me a crayon and we both took turns coloring. Sensing the passengers behind me (who were about to commit mutiny on the bounty) easing into the flight, I tried to keep the child occupied. Suddenly, he was out of his seat belt and standing facing his seat. He reached into his mother's purse and removed one of those orange drinks sealed in a plastic bag that you poke open with a straw shaped like a spear. Well, he used his teeth to tear open a corner, held it over his open seat and looked at me. Sensing a disaster, I used both hands to wave him off shaking my head as if to say "NO, not THAT!" so as not to wake the mother and cause a riot. Yup, he emptied the entire contents onto his cloth seat cushion without breaking eye contact with me (the next Robin Williams?). As he was giggling, I hailed a flight attendant who was so cool. She said, "No problem, it's velcroed in. I'll just swap it out" and did so swiftly. I even made sure we ditched the evidence (the empty packet of juice). We landed half an hour later and the mother never knew what happened. Plus she was rested and in a better mood. "I'm so sorry for the commotion", she said. "Oh, not a problem", I replied. "He has a sense of humor". All's well, ends well!
Since yesterday's BLOG post was unavoidably long, I'm making today's post shorter to get you thinking about what you consider the funniest scenes in movies. Here are some of mine:
From: "10": The bedroom argument scene over the definition of the word "Broad" with Julie Andrews and the late Dudley Moore. Hysterical!
From: "That's Life": Jack Lemmon's character Harvey Fairchild decides to attend Mass given by his Notre Dame buddy played by Robert Loggia. Fairchild doesn't know it, but he''s about to be called to the Lectern to give a reading from the Book of Matthew on Adultery, when suddenly he is stricken with an attack of crabs. Sorry if this offends some of my mild mannered readers, but I promise you if you see this scene you'll be on the floor laughing so hard, someone may have to summon the paramedics with oxygen! Not to be missed in this scene: the reaction of the two altar boys trying to keep a straight face!
From: "Save the Tiger": Yeah, it's a great drama, one of Jack's best. But don't miss Lemmon's facial expression after throwing out his back while dancing at a Disco!
From: "Downhill Skier": Robert Redford confronts a girl he is dating about why she stood him up on Christmas Eve. She tries to B.S. her was through it with pathetic excuses as they are sitting in her car, when Redford (in the passenger seat) has heard enough and leans over with his hand and shoves the car horn for five seconds, stares at her and exits the car. Game over. Wow. If you've ever been stood up--check it out.
From: "Skin Deep": the John Ritter movie (careful, there is a second movie with this same title)--his best comedy. Basically the entire movie rates. When it debuted, a buddy and I were threatened by a movie theatre manager that unless we could control ourselves from laughing so hard and falling into the aisle, we would have to leave. (This was a Matinee with only five other people inside!). Good luck if you can locate the VHS tape version-no DVD yet.
From: "Joe Kidd": Clint Eastwood is fed up with Robert Duvall's murdering ways in this spaghetti western and walks up a hotel staircase to confront him, when a guard standing at the top of the stairs tries to ask "And just where the hell do you think you're going?" but never gets to complete his line, as Eastwood grabs him by the belt buckle and throws the goon down the stairs. (You had to be there).
From: M*A*S*H (the original motion picture): The surgeons are playing a poker game and discussing how to help "Painless Pauley", billed as "the best equipped dentist in the Army", who is considering suicide after expectations didn't rise to the occasion the night before during a date. When Ho-John the Korean mess hall boy says: "Here he comes, the Jaw-Breaker!" focus on actor Donald Sutherland facing the camera trying not to laugh. The dialogue with Elliott Gould and Tom Skeritt is to die for! (Pardon the pun).
From "The Commitments": A group of Irish kids from Dublin put a cover band together to play Motown hits (they are still touring!). During the closing credits, as the camera frames each band member, one of kids (apparently having a bad moment) throws a milkshake against the glass window in a recording studio (the cameraman was on the other side)! What can I say? It was funny!
From "Desperately Seeking Susan": Rosanna Arquette innocently framed by the camera from a distant shot is driving a motor scooter slowly up a garage ramp with perfect posture unaware she is being pursued. (No, I don't know why this is funny? Sorry!).
From "The Verdict": Paul Newman picking up Charlotte Rampling in a bar. Newman: "Furthermore, you came here tonight to see me". Rampling: "And what if it wasn't you that I came here to see?" Newman: (straightening his tie) "Well, you got lucky!"
Yes, I realize there are more, and yes these are older movies but it's difficult to think of anything recent that had anything hysterical besides Will Smith in "Hitch"--a funny movie. What are your favorites?
Back in late June of 1997, I was Director of Marketing & Promotions for a failing Classical radio station. I joined management after five years on the air. At the time, there were 26 Classical stations nationwide of a total 14,000 in the U.S. My job was to merge together two departments and join a small team consisting of an Engineer and a Program Director to salvage the failing FM station. Bob Dylan was right. "When yah ain't got nothin', you got nothin'to loose" and truth be told, we were "swirling around the drain" in Arbitron ratings. So I decided to pull out all the stops and hype us a "Bach and Roll" station with a ton of stunts, contests, trips to operas, symphony festivals, cruises with fabulous ship, hotel and air accommodations--132 events a year. We produced outdoor wind band and symphony concerts, executed a multi-stage "Sun Fest" type concert in August-- all of that sort of thing. We tried giving away a Harley Davidson motorcycle, conducting "A Wedding On A Plane" live during "morning drive", broadcasting on the roof of a highway tollbooth, you name it. Well, I received a call from a Balloon Festival in East Texas asking if I'd be willing to be the Official Marshall. I said "sure". Balloon festivals are exciting and produce dazzling displays of color, especially at dusk the night before lift-off when the "Glow" takes place (operators light up their customized multi-colored balloons with a burst of propane gas and the colorful art designs, tethered to the ground, glow beautifully for miles). Flying in one was going to be my first. Since I write for a commercial aviation magazine, I knew a bit about what to expect. The morning of the flight, at 6:30 A.M. we had breakfast at a Holiday Inn--a banana with coffee and yogurt, and received an FAA briefing. I was assigned to a retired Delta Airline pilot who was making his first flight since losing a daughter, 30, to Cancer. His other daughter was racing her own balloon against us. These ships average $50,000 each, so it's an expensive hobby. I was on a cell phone with a portable FM radio clipped to my belt and a headset worn over one ear to enable me to stay in touch with our station for frequent progress reports--much hype but fun! We boarded the craft. Of course there is no steering left or right--you either ascend or descend. I coordinated by phone with our PD who doubled as our affable "Morning DJ" and we played Victor Young's Overture from the movie "Around the World in 80 Days" precisely at liftoff. I know--cheesy but hell, we needed ratings! I was watching our altimeter: 200, 500, 700, 1000-we settled around 1,200 feet! I was white-knuckled. The competition involved finding a big white colored "X" on the ground, descend to 50 feet, and I'd throw a bean bag with our ship's name on it as close to the mark as possible and we'd start climbing again and race on to the next spot. By now, I was beginning to relax a bit and enjoy this new game. After 45 minutes it was time to land. We drifted over an Interstate Highway and rows of cars were pulled to the side of the birm honking horns and waving. My pilot and I waved back enthusiastically. We were ahead of the "Snoopy the Dog" balloon and a department store's craft. We crossed a highway at about 65 feet and began drifting over a barn when my pilot uttered, "Oh damn! Brace your knees when we hit, we've got a down draft!!". Famous last words. Through my headset I heard our "Morning DJ" throw it to me on live radio "Let's check on Michael to see how he's doing. Michael?, Michael? Are you with us?" At that moment we impacted 20 feet from a barn and after the basket struck the ground hard we rose 30 feet, then the basket tilted trapping my pilot behind the propane tanks and burner unit until we struck the ground with the basket sideways. I was impact-ejected, but my tennis shoes became snagged on the propane tank valve stems and kept me from being thrown clear. Our now deflated colorful envelope (balloon material) and I were being dragged 30 feet along the ground. We both had the wind knocked out of us and I had scrapes on both arms. As soon as I could get some air into my lungs, I immediately lunged to pull back the propane tanks to free my pilot who had wisely shut them off fast. He ordered me out to begin folding the envelope. Other balloonists who had landed ahead of us ran to our craft to help. In my headset, I could hear our DJ ad libbing about what might have possibly happened and callers to the station were reporting seeing us disappear behind a barn on farm property. I called the station from the cell phone and looked up to see the "Snoopy the Dog" balloon coming in for a landing smooth as silk. I went on the air and described the incident with my head fairly intact. Afterwards, a truck came to collect our balloon and we caught rides to the parking lot that was our starting point. Then at 9 A.M. the entire group of balloonists gathered around me, placed a plastic cup filled with Champagne in my hand and we all held up our glasses for a toast. Since I was their "Guest", they sang two loud Irish songs in my honor (my first name was inserted in the lyrics). Then we downed two toasts and went our separate ways. I later learned this custom dates back to the 1780's. Balloonists carried a bottle of Champagne aboard as a goodwill gesture to angry farmers on whose fields the balloonists would land. Something I'm sure Sir Richard Branson understands quite well!
Jennifer was very attractive. She had short brunette hair and a slim build with an unforgettable smile. Our evening had all of the ingredients of a great first date. An outdoor Italian cafe, plenty of Cabernet Sauvignon and of course fascinating conversation. And at the end of the evening, what could have been more romantic than a prolonged goodbye kiss along a busy boulevard that became our Champs-Elysees? Our dialogue was as crisp as a Steve McQueen movie and it went something like this. "I had a great time tonight", she said. "So did I", I replied. Her turn: "I'm already looking forward to our next date"."It will be unforgettable", I boasted. Her turn: "Call me". Me: with my two forefingers and thumbs in the air pointed at the object of my affection as I started slowly walking backwards without breaking eye contact (high drama) "You got it". (Let me just interject that in my defense, we drank A LOT of wine and the movie "Jerry MaGuire" had just been released. If you've seen it, this moronic geture made sense). Now all that remained was my exit--my "stage right" to turn and walk across the street to my apartment. Suddenly and without any provocation a large massive intruder struck me squarely in the chest. I actually thought my sternum had been broken! What sounded like a child's fingernails being dragged across a chalkboard was actually air rushing out of my deflated lungs. On my seemingly slow-motion fall backwards onto the sidewalk I looked bleary-eyed to my left and saw my "attacker"--a cast iron parking meter rocking wildly back and forth! I was now flat on my back. Jennifer rushed to my aid and knelt at my side. This could have been the closing scene from the film, "West Side Story". I remember that look on her face as resembling a strange mixture of humor and pity. "Are you all right? Tell me! Is there anything I can do?", she pleaded. In those precious seconds I wasn't sure what to recover first my breathing or my dignity. Ultimately, I started breathing and eventually "Jerry MaGuire" was helped up off the pavement. Jennifer even offered a hug. "Do you need me to walk you across the street?", she asked. So thoughtful. "No, No uh. That uh...that won't be necessary. Really, I'm okay", I sputtered dying of embarrassment. We had a second date scheduled. But somewhere between the attack of the parking meter and our next outing, her two-timing beau re-entered the picture and for me it really became "stage left".
Basically, I'm a Public Relations Consultant with a background in Broadcast News. I've worked as a Reporter and Anchor with PBS, ABC, CBS & NBC affiliates and in Cable Television. I'm active in Radio & Television Commercials, Guest Speaking engagements and I enjoy writing, music and sports.
Fred Rogers
